Can you teach an old dog new tricks???
I sure hope so as I think that reality may be setting in and I am trying to deal with the fact that life may be handing me 5 new cards in game of 5 card draw. The challenge is that I am not sure what to do? Do you lay them down or do you go all in?
Choices, every day we make choices, and our decision carves our future and creates not only our reality but many more opportunities to change direction. One year ago today I was struggling with decisions regarding ankle surgery and recovery. One year before that life was perfect and I was debating between long days in the Santa Ana’s or centuries on the road bike...
Today I have a new challenge to figure out. How to walk up my stairs like a normal human being, without my knee buckling beneath me. It amazes me how our worlds can change. Today I spent some time with my orthopedic surgeon and we finally had time to talk. After a full review of my case running will be out of the question and our new goal is to be able to walk like a normal person, without pain that spikes 12 on the 1 - 10 scale.
Today was injection number 1 and per doctors orders 30 minutes of riding around the parking lot to start to recover from complete quad atrophy. I figure go big or go the fuck home and die so I spent 30 minutes spinning with only my left leg.
I wrote this several days ago and wrestled with actually posting it. Originally I wanted this to be a positive narration of my existence in this life but as life continues to develop I figure I may as well be real and look back to either cry at the reality or laugh at the face of challenge...
ReplyDeleteThat which does not kill me will only make me stronger, I just wonder in what way? What am I being made ready for?
I feel you, Jeff and I'm sorry. Life isn't always fair and we can't live always thinking how we were before. This is the hand we're dealt so we deal with it. Personally speaking, I've never been the same since I had serious spinal cord surgery in 2003. It sucks always having back pains, it sucks not being able to go on long rides with the guys without feeling like a truck ran up your ass and got wedged in your back. It sucks always being the last guy up the hill. It sucks not being able to take long walks or hikes with the g/f or kiddo. It sucks not being able to lift anything over 60-70 lbs. But, I'm thankful I'm still alive and able to walk unassisted. I try and make the best of what I have to work with. I know you've had some challenges with your injuries the past couple of years so I'm not dismissing your argument. Continue to be strong and make the best of what you have to work with and don't worry about the glory days. Baby steps. Good luck, man!
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