It all starts one day with a small itch to see what is new and exciting, immediately followed by a trip to your local bike shop which in my case is The Path. You park the car and as you open the door you feel the electricity, the excitement of what may be waiting for you just on the other side of that door. You have convinced yourself that this is going to be just another recon mission and nothing is going home with you on that day yet you accidentally left the rack on the back of your vehicle for some strange reason. You hear your car door lock and take the first step on Mr Toads wild ride and the outcome is different for everyone. Some like to test ride bikes, I prefer to pull down the exact frame that I have usually already decided that I am going to call my own and carry it around the store while looking at the parts that will eventually comprise the build kit that I promise myself I will slowly accrue as my budget permits. Finally off to the counter to pay the first installment of the birth of my new toy. As I walk to the car, frame in-hand maybe shaking a bit filled with emotions ranging from the excitement about the new page in my book of cycling to remorse for spending the cash that could probably been more responsibly allocated I set off for home to remove decals, and make the final build list of parts that will slowly be purchased to complete the dream.
The following morning I usually find myself running down to just pick up one additional part because the rest will come slowly, it is usually about 3 hours later I emerge with handfuls of retail therapy that once assembled will allow me to complete my vision and hit the trail, F waiting and buying slowly I need it now... NOW I SAY!!!
So is my pattern for bringing new passions into my life and it is this birthing process that make me feel a bit off when one of them goes away The day the RIP9 left I was sad, however it's replacement had already been in the quiver for a month or so. Today I start a process of morning the M6, It appears that she is leaving this evening and although having only seen daylight 3 days of the last 365 I feel as though I am losing a big part of me. Is it odd to feel this way? Not really after all that has gone into perfecting the build and all the good times that have been had with great friends on this bike and in this discipline of riding. The important thing to remember is that the friends will still be there, and there are new good times to be had just around the next corner...
A collection of thought, observation and real life escapade all rolled into one pointless ramble. Buckle up and have a seat as I have no idea as to where this train is headed...
Monday, August 23, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
one step forward sometimes equals 10 steps back
Have you ever been so close to something that you want so bad you can taste it? Taste it with every fiber of your being. I have, and as recently as last week. Last week I rode my bicycle, really rode my bicycle for the first time in what felt like an eternity. I pushed the big gears, stood up on the pedals and let go of everything that troubles me for almost 50 miles and I was tired, make that exhausted, face wet with a mixture of tears and sweat. Tears not of pain but of joy for truly being free of that pain for the first time since before I can remember. It was amazing, feeling only the pain in the muscles that I was inflicting, and not the pain of joints and tissue damaged long ago. Not the pain that had kept me from doing what I love for past 7 months. It was freedom, it was inspiring and made me want it more than ever. It gave me confidence in the fact that I had healed well enough, that I had beaten that which had beat me down for so long. It gave me the confidence to once again destroy all hope of being and doing that which feels normal to me for a long time again
I now realize just how dangerous it was to feel that way, as it empowered me to push myself and trust that all would be well and then that one step, the one step forward that sent me and my recovery 10 steps back.
I now realize just how dangerous it was to feel that way, as it empowered me to push myself and trust that all would be well and then that one step, the one step forward that sent me and my recovery 10 steps back.
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