or did it ever really start?? Is this just a bad dream that I will wake from and go about my normal life working hard, and finding new ways to experience the beauty that this world has to offer. Unfortunately the truth seems to be bearing it’s way down upon me like a great storm that is determined to wash away all the good and beauty that I know. I look upon the world and it seems to be more barren with each and every day. I hope that this too will pass but there is no relief in sight.
Tired, exhausted and beaten down are terms that come to mind. The beauty that once filled me seems receded and since been replaced with fear. The cold ugly face of uncertainty has risen once again and is threatening to destroy all that I have come to know as peaceful, tranquil, calm and serene.
I understand that things change, and that a world does not need to decay as it ages, however I sit here and ask the proverbial question of why? Why is it that after battling my way back to that which pacifies me does it all get ripped away again. They say take responsibility for your own reality, and if that is the case someone pass this kid the bone saw and superglue because I want to make some changes.
Not one to be the victim but the wind no longer fills these tattered sails. I have been away for what seems like too long, in too much pain and I am unclear at this point how to get back. I am thankful for all the wonderful people that fill my life. I am thankful for the continued opportunity that I have at work. I am thankful for the roof over my head, clothes on my back and the food in my belly but sometimes I just wonder when it will all end. And which “it” will end first the pain or all that I am thankful for.
